


I Love You

by fangirlingovermishacollins



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Confession, Destiel - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluffy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-20
Updated: 2017-01-20
Packaged: 2018-09-18 16:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9394286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fangirlingovermishacollins/pseuds/fangirlingovermishacollins
Summary: Dean has no idea Cas is in love with him.





	

"How do you know if you love somebody?” The question threw Dean off guard, and he looked up from a book, just staring as if he hadn't heard correctly. 

"What? Cas, why would you ask that?" Dean stood up, getting closer to the angel. "I mean, really?"

"It's a simple question, Dean. If you don't know, however, I could go and ask Sam." The way Cas was speaking, it sounded all wrong for asking about love. Dean expected him to at least be a little uncomfortable asking, but he acted like it was a normal topic to talk about. "I assumed you would know, considering your romantic history."

"Well, of course I know, but you kinda just asked out of the blue, Cas, so I'm a little confused." Dean paused, thinking, and then said suddenly, "Are you seriously saying you have feelings for somebody?"

"I see nothing wrong with it, Dean. And are you taking about the ocean?"

"What? No, Cas, 'out of the blue' means 'out of nowhere.'" 

"Oh, well, as I said, I see nothing wrong with feeling like you possibly love somebody. I simply don't know how you can determine if what you're feeling is love or very strong interest." Cas cocked his head to the side, confused, almost. "I apologize if I confused you." 

"Nah, Cas, you didn't. And I'll tell you, sure. Honestly, I know more about love than Sammy." Dean grinned, like he were proud of himself for it. "First, though, you're telling me about this mystery girl,or guy." 

Cas was surprised at how casually Dean had said 'girl' and 'guy.' Almost like he had expected it to be one gender or the other. "Well, they are very much like you, Dean. Brave, smart, rather impulsive, and seemingly a serial romantic." 

"I'd love to meet them sometime, Cas, they sound cool to me. Sammy probably wouldn't mind either."

"I'll keep that in mind, Dean. Now will you tell me how to know if you love somebody or not? I would like to hear what you have to say." Cas was starting to look impatient; he was tapping his foot and crossing his arms, staring Dean down. "Or, as I said, Sam could tell me instead."

"Relax, I'm gonna tell you. Now sit or something, will you?" Cas sat in an empty seat at Dean's table in the library, and finally Dean said, "In my experience, I knew I loved a girl when I would think about her and feel like I had to smile, y'know? They'd get in my head all the time, never want to leave, drive me crazy." Dean chuckled. 'Oh yeah, and I'd hear my heartbeat, like it were the loudest damn thing in the area."

'Thank you, Dean. I believe I understand now." Cas stood up, smiling. Dean watched him, wondering if he were thinking about whoever he apparently loved. "I appreciate the advice."

"No problem." Dean walked up to him before he could walk away, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Tell me more again soon, 'kay?" He made sure to look into Cas's eyes, carefully watching as the angel nodded. Before Cas walked away, Dean could have sworn he'd seen something in his eyes, but shook it off, thinking it was just his imagination.

Dean tried to get back to his book, but he kept thinking about what Cas had said; that he was in love with somebody and had casually asked for his advice. It couldn't be possible he was jealous. Maybe it was just that whoever Cas had described was like him, and he didn't want to be forgotten. 

\------------------------------------------------

"Dean?" Silence. "Dean!" Dean finally looked up, seeing Sam and Cas in the doorway. "You okay? You were kinda in your own world there for a while."

"Yeah, I'm okay, just a little tired. Not like I get lots of sleep or anything, am I right?" Dean chuckled. "What's that?" he asked, gesturing to the bags hanging from his brother's hand. "Went out without me?"

"Calm down, we just got food. Uh, here, Cas picked it out." A whole bag was handed to Dean, and when he got a look inside, the first thing he saw was pie. There were other foods, too, but Dean was mainly focused on the pie.

"Woah, three different pies? You're serious, Cas?" Three slices, all different flavors, were there, all in their own plastic see-through containers. "You're spoiling me."

"I simply didn't know which one you wanted, Dean, so I got all of them. There's one slice of apple pie, one slice of peach, and one slice of cherry. I assume you'll be able to tell the difference between them." Dean didn't seem to listen to him, instead he was lifting one of the slices from the bag. Cas looked closer, and saw that it was the cherry pie. "That's the cherry slice, in case you wanted to know."

"Yeah, thanks. I gotta admit," Dean said, mouth already full of pie, "whoever you talked to me about earlier will love you for stuff like this." He took a moment to swallow before continuing. "I mean, look at how you are with me, and I'm your best friend. Practically your brother, y'know?"

"Yes, I do." Cas didn't say much after that, in fact, he seemed to stiffen up at the word 'brother.' The next time he spoke was to decline a beer, and then he excused himself. Sam went after him a few minutes later, finding him in the hallway outside of the room he had claimed as his own for whenever he stayed with them in the bunker.

"You okay? You left awfully fast, Cas." 

"I believe I already explained it to you, Sam. I can barely tolerate when Dean calls me just a friend, or part of the family. I want much more than that." In the car on the way to the store, Cas had opened up to Sam, telling him about the conversation with Dean earlier. Sam had already figured it out before Cas finished talking, immediately accusing him of being in love with Dean.

"Right, but you have to deal with it, at least until you can tell him the truth. Besides, doing that will make you look strange to him." 

"I hadn't realized that at the time, Sam. I'll try to control it in the future. I simply feel, well, differently around him now. It's much harder to control myself around Dean."

"Yeah, I get it. You know you could get this done and over with if you, maybe, confessed? In my opinion, he wouldn't turn you down. He's been feeling something for you for years." Sam left Cas alone after that.

Cas's room was still fairly unused. It mostly served as some kind of medical room, since Sam and Dean went to see him after hunts to heal their wounds. The bed was still perfectly made, the walls were spotless, and there was nothing remotely suggesting the room was his anywhere you looked. Anybody would just assume it was a guest room.

Still, it was Cas's, and he really did feel like it was some kind of safe haven. Nobody bothered him in there, and nobody barged in withot knocking first. So he was in there now, sitting down on the bed and thinking.

He didn't want to tell him just yet, too afraid of rejection. It was kind of stupid, if you thought about it. He was an Angel of the Lord, and regularly killed monsters and demons, and the only thing that scared him shouldn't have been telling Dean his true feelings about him.

\-------------------------

The next day, Dean decided to ask about Cas's love life again. "How's your, uh, relationship? Gone anywhere?"

The look Cas gave him after that made him think he may have done something to offend the angel, but he answered anyway. "You should know that I haven't gone anywhere between now and yesterday. Nothing has happened."

"Sorry for asking." Dean looked offended, but the smile that came soon after showed that he had just been faking. "It's just, y'know, me and Sammy have dated too many girls to count, and since you're suddenly telling me that you're head over heels in love with someone we know nothing about, I'm interested." Dean paused, realizing what he said and how it sounded. "In hearing more about it, I mean."

"I know what you meant." Cas looked almost confused. "There's no need to clarify." He stopped to think, finally asking, "What did you think you meant when you said you were interested, though?"

"Oh, uh, well, when people say that, they can also mean it like they're interested in the person they're talking to. The way I said it, it sounded like I was interested in you, and you know..." He trailed off after that. "Never mind, it was nothing. I mean, you're already..."

"Interested in somebody?" Dean nodded. "But you're implying you're feeling that way about me, Dean, and it's clear you don't." 

"I never said that, Cas, okay? Look, I'm going out for food or something. We'll talk later," he added, noticing the way the angel started to get up and walk after him. "Tell Sammy I'm out." And then he was out, carrying his jacket and the car keys.

The roads were mostly clear, probably because of the rain that was pouring as he drove. Dean was lucky enough to be able to see enough to drive, and enough of his attention was on driving that he could momentarily forget what had just happened between him and Cas.

_We'll talk later._ Because he'd said that, Cas would probably be waiting for him to get back so they could have a little conversation about what may have been seen as his feelings for him. It wasn't that he didn't like him, but maybe he had felt something yesterday, talking about love with his best friend.

Even if he did feel something for Cas, he loved someone else. It wasn't like his feelings mattered, not if Cas wasn't able to return his feelings. It was probably best to try and forget about whatever was going on, and put as much distance between them as possible tonight.

"What'll you have?" The bartender asked him. It was a slim, long-haired woman, but Dean couldn't be bothered to flirt. Wordlessly, Dean pointed to the bottle of whiskey on the shelf behind her. She nodded and got out a shot glass. With her back turned, she asked, "You seem like you're worried about something." It was an invitation to talk, but Dean didn't accept it. He just shrugged, still not speaking. "Well, this is on the house." Then she placed the glass in front of him, going to help someone else.

\-----------------------------------

Cas decided to wait until Sam noticed Dean was gone, even though he didn't know why. He still was tryig to figure it out when Sam asked, "Cas, have you seen Dean?" 

"I assume he went out for food, Sam. I'm not sure." Sam sighed and took a seat next to him. "Is there a problem, Sam?"

"You tell me, I mean, something must have happened here. Dean wouldn't just leave." Sam watched Cas, almost like he were trying to get answers out of him. "Come on, just tell me. Like I said, you can trust me, Cas."

"He simply said that he was going out 'for food or something.'" Cas even used the air quotes. "Nothing occured before then, so I assume he's getting food, just like he said. You can call him to find out where he is." Sam didn't stop Cas from leaving after that, just watched him walk away. After Cas was out of sight, he picked up the phone and dialed Dean's number.

"Where the hell are you?" he demanded as soon as Dean picked up. "Are you at a bar?" He strained to hear the music going on in the background. "Really?"

"What, I'm not allowed to go out alone? Thanks, Mom." He sounded like he'd already had quite a bit to drink. "Come on, Sammy, I had to get out. I couldn't just stay there when my best friend tries to ask me about my feelings. You should have heard us, I gave away way too much."

"What? Cas told me nothing happened. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes, but I accidentally implied that I was interested in him as more than a friend, and he tried to ask me more, and I left. Happy now?" Sam heard the sound of a glass landing on a table. "I can't deal with it right now, Sam, I had to get out. I'll get back alright, don't worry." Dean hung up right after that.

Sam thought about calling after Cas, but decided he wasn't going to talk anyway. Instead, he just sat there, waiting for Dean to get back to the bunker. 

He did get back, but he was just a little drunk. Sam sent him to his room, telling him to rest. "We'll talk later, Dean, when you're not drunk." Then he left him to lay down, and Dean was left by himself until the door slightly swung open. Cas poked his head into the room, almost whisperig when he asked, "Are you alright?"

"Yeah, Cas, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." Without asking, Cas walked in and shut the door behind him. "Anyhing you plan on doing in here?"

"You told me we would talk. I'm simply waiting for you to talk." Cas sat on the bed, almost too close to him. Dean didn't object, though, instead he seemed to get slightly closer to him. "I understand you're drunk right now, but it doesn't appear to be too bad."

"Know what? I'm drunk, Cas, and it's worse than you think it is. You talk to me about something, but I'm not talking to you." 

"Alright, well, Dean, I don't understand why you felt the need to leave. If you feel anything for me, you would have stayed, and we would have talked about this. Instead, we're doing it this way." Maybe it was the beer, or maybe Dean was too tired to argue, but he didn't deny anything that Cas was saying. 

"So what, you expect me to play Dr. Phil with you? Really? I'm not good with feelings, Cas."

"You can always get better. Is there anything you want to say to me, perhaps anything you're feeling?" Cas wouldn't give up, in fact, he seemed to get closer to Dean as if that would make him confess easier.

"No. I'm tired though, so please, just do whatever it is you came to do and leave me the hell alone. Please." He put emphasis on the word 'please.' Cas got even closer, so close that Dean couldn't help but stare. "This won't make me talk, you know."

"I know what will, but I'm not doing it just yet. I'll give you a chance to talk first. So how are you feeling?"

Something, probably the beer, drove Dean to reach out and put a hand on Cas's cheek. Cas didn't object to it, but didn't have any reaction either. They'd both given up on talking when Dean started leaning in, almost like he weren't in control of his body. "Cas," he said, and then closed the distance between them.

\-------------------------------------

The kiss was slow at first, it was easy to tell that they were a little unsure of what they were doing. It still didn't atop them from slowly and gently putting their hands on each other- Dean's hands around Cas's body, holding him close so that he wouldn't go away. Cas had his hands wrapped around Dean's neck, lightly touching the hunter's hair.

Their lips easily moved against each other, the kiss slowly going from sweet and gentle to impulsive. Dean slowly moved his tongue into Cas's mouth, and the angel moved his hands up so that they gripped his hair and stayed there. Dean's hands moved to wrap around his waist, holding him on both sides and letting his fingers dig into Cas's hips. Dean suddenly let himself bite down on Cas's lower lip, gentle but still leaving him gasping.

Dean smirked, and Cas pulled him back into another kiss, suddenly wanting to kiss it off of his face. He'd gotten more comfortable with the kiss, now sure of what he was doing as he swiftly let their tongues touch and letting the kiss get out of control, only pulling apart when they needed to catch their breath.

Dean didn't want it to stop, but he knew it would have to eventually. So he kept on kissing, until he absolutely had to pull away and he could only taste Cas on his lips.

\-------------------------------

Cas left Dean's room right after the kissing was over, so stunned that he couldn't think straight. When he got to his room, the door still open, he laid back, panting. He had just kissed Dean, and Dean had returned the kiss without hesitation. 

The only problem was, it may never happen again. Dean was drunk, and had just let it happen. Doing it again was highly unlikely. Thinking about it, how he would never have that happen again, actually upset him. 

Meanwhile, in his own room, Dean didn't know if he felt even more drunk or less drunk. He was still a bit amazed, and hadn't had any luck in figuring it out when he heard a knock on the door. "Yeah," he called, hoping just a little bit that Cas was back again. Instead, it was Sam, who seemed just a little suspicious of him when he peered into the room.

"What happened, Dean? I mean, I know Cas walked in to check on you, but he didn't leave for a while, and when he did, well...." Sam trailed off. "What did you do?"

"Holy shit, Sammy," Dean began, "I just made out with Cas. Holy shit." 

"Seriously? How'd that happen?" Sam looked happy to hear it, and he didn't even criticize Dean for admitting it the way he had. "I mean, wow."

"Yeah, I know." Dean almost couldn't believe it. "I think I love him, Sammy."

"Good news, then, Dean." Sam grinned. "I think he loves you, too." 

"What? No he doesn't, he asked me for relationship advice just the other day. You sure you haven't been drinking?" Dean shook his head. "You're crazy. There is no way in hell he could feel that way about me. No way." 

"Really, he does. Why do you think he kissed you back?" Sam sighed. "Just go talk to him, Dean. It's been years of this, and I really don't want you to just ignore this the way you do everything else. He's been showing signs for years, Dean."

Sam left after that, leaving Dean by himself with plenty of time to think. Maybe it wasn't completely impossible that his best friend was in love with him. But if Sam was wrong, it wouldn't be very happy for him. 

He bit down on his lip, almost like trying to learn if Cas had really kissed him or not. He could really taste the beer, it was so strong, but more than that, he could taste Cas, like he really had been there and possibly still was. "Goddamnit," he said to himself. "I really just kissed him. It actually happened."

Not long after that, he fell asleep. 

\----------------------------------------------

When he woke up, the first thing he saw was Cas sitting on the edge of the bed. Dean had to keep himself from sitting up and kissing him again, ever since it had happened he had wanted to do it again. "Hey, Cas," he finally said. "What are you doing here, watching me in my sleep again?" 

"I didn't intend on it. Sam came to see me, asking if I'd talk to you about last night. I saw you asleep, and decided to stay and wait. I apologize for bothering you."

"Eh, don't worry. I actually wanted to talk too, so, yeah. Here we are." He sat next to him. "Let's talk."

"I understand you're surprised, Dean, and I am too. I didn't intend on kissing you, however I had no objections to it actually happening. I didn't plan it." 

"No, I know. Was it a mistake, though, since you love somebody else and pretty much just cheated? I mean, I've cheated before too, but this isn't like that. You had a chance to stay faithful, you know?" Dean sighed. 

"Dean, I was faithful. I was talking about you the whole time, although I was very good at hiding it. I assumed you wouldn't suspect it if I asked you for advice." 

"You've got a point, I'll give you that." Dean put a hand to his head. "Think you can do something about this hangover? It's driving me crazy." Cas nodded, placing his fingers gently on Dean's forehead. In just a few moments, he felt much better. "Thanks."

"Dean, I know you didn't want to talk about being hungover. I want to get to the point, because I've waited long enough." Cas turned towards him. "I'm in love with you, Dean. It's been very difficult hiding it from you, considering you're able to figure out whenever I'm not being honest with you. But I have felt this way for longer than you think."

"I'm only gonna say this once, Cas, okay? I've been in relationships and all, but even though I loved them, don't get me wrong," Dean paused. "You jealous or anything, Cas? I mean, I'm just here talking about my dating history, and you've just admitted to, you know..."

"I'd prefer not to talk about it, Dean. That's all in the past now." 

"Kay then, I'll just say this. I'm in love with you too, okay? I just realized it, like last night, but it's finally clear to me that I'm crazy about you, and all that crap you expect to hear." Dean shrugged. "I don't do feelings, okay? This isn't easy for me." Cas put a hand on his shoulder, and Dean leaned into his touch. "Do me a favor and just kiss me again, or something?"

"Of course." Cas pressed their lips together without hesitation. It was a soft kiss, but it still showed his feelings in the perfect way. Dean melted right into it, holding onto Cas. He returned the kiss with slight force, making Cas slightly lean back. Dean held onto him tighter to keep him from falling. 

Their hands started moving around more. Dean gripped the front of Cas's trench coat, holding it in fistfuls. Cas was tugging at the bottom of Dean's shirt, holding it tightly in his hands. When the hunter felt his hands move around his hips and legs, he shivered at the touch, moving down to place kisses all around his neck. The angel slighly shifted to give Dean more space. 

Dean ended up pushing him down on his bed, both of them panting. Dean's breath felt hot against where he had left kisses on Cas's neck. "I should have told you sooner, Dean. I'm sorry."

"Don't be, really. We're here now, right? Nobody's bothering us, and we've got all this time to make up for, so don't end up apologizing. It's just us here."

"Alright," and then they were kissing again. Tongues were touching immediately, and neither of them were worried about anybody barging in. Dean left open-mouthed kisses all the way down his throat, giving extra attention to his jaw. He had just started to take off the angel's trench coat and suit jacket when-

"Really, Dean? With the door open?" 

They both looked to the door, seeing Sam standing there, looking a little annoyed. "What, Sammy? Not like we were naked." Dean looked at Cas, smirking, and mouthed, "yet." 

"Just, please, Dean, not with the door open." Sam left after that, and Dean and Cas sat up, seemingly done with what they were doing. Dean looked at Cas and said, "We'll finish later, for now, we've got to eat or something. I'm hungry, and we have to apologize to Sammy for mentally scarring him." He chuckled. "Let's go."

Cas nodded, kissing him one more time, before following him out the door.


End file.
